Online Reputation Management for Students - Lie, Cheat, Blackmail
Every month, without exception, I come across a news story or blog post about the dangers to the job prospects of college students and recent graduates posed by their online trail of photos, videos and writing.
Tomorrow I’ll talk about ways to defend your reputation. Today, however, let’s fight back against the uptight, boring human resources officers scouring the Web for evidence of your unworthiness for a job. Who the hell do they think they are, imposing their views of what’s "appropriate behaviour" on the hiring process? I’ll bet they were the life of the party in their school days. Whoah man, put that protractor down! Somebody could get hurt!
Here is my three-step method to avoiding the negative consequences of the bawdy behaviour of your college years, captured for posterity and posted far and wide by friends and enemies alike.
1) Change your name. For guys, I recommend Craig or Marc Kielberger, Barack Obama, Jason Calacanis, Danny Seo, or Steve Chen. For the young ladies out there, try Kate Middleton, Michelle Wie, Parminder Nagra, Elaine Wherry, or Amanda Congdon.
These are tried and true names, with solid online credentials. Nobody’s going to notice the occasional misstep captured online, amid the positive media coverage, blog posts and video.
Sure, you could try to repair your own online image, but that would take a lot of work. Trust me, using a name that has already been proven to be a winner is much easier.
2) Hack their network, and clean up your file. This is easier done if you have someone inside the company, but don’t despair if you have to suspend yourself from the ceiling while your unsuspecting target is keying in their password. This hard work will pay off with the job of your dreams.
3) Get some dirt on your future boss, or the HR director. Nothing says you’ve arrived quite like having documentation of illegal, unethical, or really stupid acts by the people who are considering you for a job.
Plus, the better the dirt, the more you can prove you are the motivated, innovative, go-getter with proven research abilities that companies are looking for. And your willingness to negotiate the safe return of the evidence shows that you’re a team player. You’re hired!
(I love it when my advice pays off for people, so if you have success with my techniques, let me know. I’ll be happy to include you in the book and video series.)
Disclaimer: My lawyer has advised me to include a disclaimer with any promotions I do for my three-step process, but I like to live on the edge. I bet when she reads this, she won’t even notice that I didn’t use the text she sent me.
Photos courtesy J.Gresham, Amanda Congdon, R’eyes, Kossy@FineDays.
Tags: facebook, myspace, blackmail, satire, hiring, human resources, privacy, college students, jason calacanis, amanda congdon, kate middleton, elaine wherry
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POSTED IN: Ethics, Humor, Reputation Management, Social Media, Work
13 opinions for Online Reputation Management for Students - Lie, Cheat, Blackmail
Serge
Feb 1, 2007 at 8:12 am
Excellent! Allow me to tell my students about your advice. :-)
Matt Keegan
Feb 1, 2007 at 10:07 am
Ah, tongue firmly planted in cheek advice. Let’s see how people pass the blame when their career aspirations go up in flames.
Ike
Feb 1, 2007 at 10:23 am
Mr. Eggertson:
We regret to inform you that you are no longer a candidate for the position within our company. Our online research indicates you display a lack of regard for proper spelling - particularly your penchant for dropping unnecessary U’s in words such as ‘humor’ and ‘behavior.’
We wish you well in your future endeavors.
Eric Eggertson
Feb 1, 2007 at 7:51 pm
I really have to walk a fine line between witty social commentary and something that people will take at face value.
Last year, I ran a piece suggesting that everyone use prepared, generic blog posts, and instead of copying out the whole post, they could just write down the number.
One blogger posted it as a good idea, and they weren’t joking. Eek!
Ike: Yor right abot sing the letter “u”. Yo can cont on me to avoid it in ftre.
Ike
Feb 1, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Didn’t some idiot take you up on your advice, and write a totally generic blog post? What a nobody!
Allan Jenkins
Feb 2, 2007 at 5:54 am
Comment 16A
Ike
Feb 2, 2007 at 9:12 am
Sorry Allan, but your comment is not compliant with the new xComment Shorthand 2.0 (beta).
As you should be aware, xC2 is case sensitive. Did you mean 16A, 16a, or 16Ä?
Eric Eggertson
Feb 2, 2007 at 9:45 am
Comment 16A has been moderated because of the use of foul language. Please consider Allen’s previous comment to be Comment 27C, instead. All comments in the 20-35 range have been approved by the Safe Commenting Oversight Committee.
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